Hey everyone, it's Griffin and I'm back and ready to talk about the Top 10 Pokemon ever created.
Now you might be wondering, what am I basing "Top 10" on? Is it Top 10 of a certain type? Is it Top 10 of Generation 1? Is it Top 10 Legendaries? Or one of the most favorite, Top 10 Starter Pokemon? (Because people have to have someone tell them which Starter Pokemon is the best to pick to start your game.)
I'm going to get off track right here, but look at Red and Blue. Everyone wants to pick Charmander. I mean it's basically a dragon without being a dragon. It's freaking popular. Everyone wants to be popular.
Other people want to pick Bulbasaur. That's cool too, because Bulbasaur can heal itself with its moveset, and it has a good type pairing.
And you might think, nobody wants to pick Squirtle. I mean, I get it, Squirtle cannot even get past Lt. Surge on its own. But lots of speedruns of Gen 1 have been done with Squirtle as the starter pokemon, so...
The point is, the next 3, yes you saw right, 3, top 10 Pokemon lists are going to be filled with Pokemon that you might not care about in the slightest and I am going to tell you that thinking Pikachu is a starter of Red or Blue proves you only watch the anime.
Today's Top 10 Pokemon List is: The Top 10 Pitiful Pokemon
You just look at these Pokemon and you look for the mom that dropped this Pokemon on its head. You might ask why Game Freak gave this Pokemon no chance in life. You might even wonder what hippie was in Game Freak that day to give this Pokemon its name.
Starting at Number 10, we have Dome.
When Twitch Plays Pokemon Red Version occurred, something like a cult was created. It started with the worship of Lord Helix, or the Helix Fossil. If you do not know, in a location on Pokemon Red's map, called Mt. Moon, you have the option to choose either the Helix Fossil or the Dome Fossil. Through the Twitch Chat's craziness they decided that Lord Helix, which they worshipped was anarchy, and Dome was democracy which became everything wrong with the gameplay. Dome had a False Prophet, a Flareon, who was the result of the loss of many beloved Pokemon on the side of Lord Helix.
While Dome should not have been persecuted in this way,
it has also gained infamy because of it, and so it rests at 10.
At Number 9, we have Ekans.
Alright, this one is literally only here because it's messed up that it is only remembered because Ekans is Snake backwards. I want to meet the person who thinks it is a good idea to use Ekans in a casual run. Seriously, in Generation 1, Ekans' Same Type Attack Bonus moves are Poison Sting, which had 15 power, and Acid, which had 40. Its strongest move was Bite, which wasn't even Dark type at the time, with 60 power.
It is literally just a snake. Why is it here? It can be beaten by Geodude, which is just a rock with fists. I seriously pity Ekans.
*Update: I am currently using an Ekans in a casual run.
Moving on to Number 8, we have Bidoof.
Bidoof has really big front teeth. The Pokedex entry says that Bidoof had even larger teeth before it grinded them down. It also says that nothing can perturb it. Although, it seems Simple, which is a great ability, it is a kind of pitiful Pokemon statwise, but it evolves into Bibarel, which is better.
At Number 7, we have Watchog.
Look at it. I'm not talking stats, which are ok. I'm saying this Pokemon uses bioluminescence to look the way it does. Which means to look like you are constantly in a Roger Rabbit movie. I mean yellow stripes on its body and its eyes, and then glowing orange eyes. It's wacky, and crazy. Not only that, but to an enemy, they spit the seeds of berries they previously ate, to shoot at them.
One of its possible abiliites is Illuminate, which just means it can gather wild pokemon. It's not good.
For Number 6, we have Caterpie.
Goddamnit!!!!!!! To everyone who is excited to start a nuzlocke, and then says, "Oh great, look what I got, a Caterpie," sarcastically... Screw you. You don't get to say that to this 'mon. This 'mon is literal fury. If you train this in the right way, its tackles will become destructive and its string shots will become cruel. It is hatred incarnate, Kirai. It used to be that if you got this Pokemon as a starter, people would throw you a pity party. Just deal with it, and grow this monster. Stop pitying yourself and use what you have as an absolute wrecking ball. Absolutely serious. I would not be if I had not already done this myself. Put faith in the heart of the Caterpie.
Number 5, Klink.
It's time for a real pitiable Pokemon. When you look at Klink, you see a 'mon that seemingly has two gear Pokemon stuck together with one eye each disabled. Then if they evolve, they become Klang, and one of them just disappears and becomes a larger gear. And then, they get even less creative, because they evolve into Klinklang, which is just a combination of the two, and yet the small gear doesn't grow at all and the larger one grows again. Poor freaking Klink that won't ever have a cool future.
Number 4 is Goomy.
So you might think, why Goomy? If you haven't realized by then, say it to yourself. For starters, it's freaking called Goomy. That is the lamest name ever. It's like a show for little kids at 7 am on the weekends. Not only that, its full Pokedex entry is, "The weakest Dragon-type Pokemon, it lives in damp, shady places, so its body doesn't dry out." It has worries about skin moisture, and it is also the weakest Dragon-type Pokemon. Come on gOoMy, seriously? It's Gen 6 already, why you so weak?
Number 3 is Magikarp.
WOW MAGIKARP IS NOT NUMBER 1?!!!!!!
Please just be quiet. Sit back down at your desk or on your bed, and stop.
Look, Magikarp is shat on literally every second of every minute of every hour of every day and night, and every week, and every month, and every year, and every decade, and... wait we haven't gone that far yet.
Magikarp has it bad, but there are other Pokemon that have it worse. I mean, it's not like Magikarp never evolves. In fact, Magikarp's evolution, Gyarados, has a Mega Evolution. It's super cool.
It doesn't change the fact that Magikarp uses Splash like its life depended on it. The Pokedex said, "Magikarp is a pathetic excuse for a Pokemon that is only capable of flopping and splashing." Which puts it at number 3.
Feebas is Number 2.
It is here for the reason that it is canonically beat up, ignored, judged, and discriminated against. In the Pokemon Adventures Manga (which may I say is more canon than the Pokemon anime), Feebas gets beat up by either Maxie or Archie, after trying to protect Ruby, who actually did not give a flying f*ck about Feebas.
That is until Ruby learned that by actually caring about Feebas, it would evolve into what he desired most, a Milotic.
Feebas teaches us that what we pity most is actually much stronger than anyone could ever imagine and holds true beauty within its heart. Personally though, shiny Gyarados is cooler than shiny Milotic.
Hahahahahahahaha. It's been a good list. And now for the most pitiable of them all: Cubone
If you don't understand why, you really don't know... (I need to really stop this. Come on Griffin. The point is that not all of your audience will know everything about Pokemon). Anyway, the reason why Cubone is first on this list is because it wears the skull of the mother it will never see again on its head. ON ITS FREAKIN' HEAD. Not only that, if it sees something similar to its mother on the moon, it will cry. There are stains on the skull where it has shed tears. Maybe it is beyond pitiful, maybe it's just depressing, but I think Cubone wins.
And in the legendary position of most pitiful shaped Pokemon, we have Dunsparce.
It's not actually that pitiful because a ton of people sleep on its capabilities, and it has been used in the ShadyPenguinn and Mr. Talent Gold and Silver Rivalocke.
So that ends this post. It is really just a joke post. If I get ten comments asking me to justify my claims, I'll compare stats, competitive viability, and historical popularity to provide an accurate pitiful Pokemon list. But, I would really like to leave it at this.
Next post will be about Pokemon Showdown, and maybe after that I will do a serious Top Ten Influential Pokemon list.
"Yo! You finally got here! Now we'll decide things once and for all!"
-Silver, Pokemon Stadium 2
Now you might be wondering, what am I basing "Top 10" on? Is it Top 10 of a certain type? Is it Top 10 of Generation 1? Is it Top 10 Legendaries? Or one of the most favorite, Top 10 Starter Pokemon? (Because people have to have someone tell them which Starter Pokemon is the best to pick to start your game.)
I'm going to get off track right here, but look at Red and Blue. Everyone wants to pick Charmander. I mean it's basically a dragon without being a dragon. It's freaking popular. Everyone wants to be popular.
Other people want to pick Bulbasaur. That's cool too, because Bulbasaur can heal itself with its moveset, and it has a good type pairing.
And you might think, nobody wants to pick Squirtle. I mean, I get it, Squirtle cannot even get past Lt. Surge on its own. But lots of speedruns of Gen 1 have been done with Squirtle as the starter pokemon, so...
The point is, the next 3, yes you saw right, 3, top 10 Pokemon lists are going to be filled with Pokemon that you might not care about in the slightest and I am going to tell you that thinking Pikachu is a starter of Red or Blue proves you only watch the anime.
Today's Top 10 Pokemon List is: The Top 10 Pitiful Pokemon
You just look at these Pokemon and you look for the mom that dropped this Pokemon on its head. You might ask why Game Freak gave this Pokemon no chance in life. You might even wonder what hippie was in Game Freak that day to give this Pokemon its name.
Starting at Number 10, we have Dome.
 |
| Dome is not the red fiery Pokemon in front but rather the head of the creepy devil-like figure in the back. |
While Dome should not have been persecuted in this way,
 |
| "Hey did you know Ekans spelled backwards is Snake?" |
At Number 9, we have Ekans.
Alright, this one is literally only here because it's messed up that it is only remembered because Ekans is Snake backwards. I want to meet the person who thinks it is a good idea to use Ekans in a casual run. Seriously, in Generation 1, Ekans' Same Type Attack Bonus moves are Poison Sting, which had 15 power, and Acid, which had 40. Its strongest move was Bite, which wasn't even Dark type at the time, with 60 power.
It is literally just a snake. Why is it here? It can be beaten by Geodude, which is just a rock with fists. I seriously pity Ekans.*Update: I am currently using an Ekans in a casual run.
Moving on to Number 8, we have Bidoof.
Bidoof has really big front teeth. The Pokedex entry says that Bidoof had even larger teeth before it grinded them down. It also says that nothing can perturb it. Although, it seems Simple, which is a great ability, it is a kind of pitiful Pokemon statwise, but it evolves into Bibarel, which is better.
At Number 7, we have Watchog.
Look at it. I'm not talking stats, which are ok. I'm saying this Pokemon uses bioluminescence to look the way it does. Which means to look like you are constantly in a Roger Rabbit movie. I mean yellow stripes on its body and its eyes, and then glowing orange eyes. It's wacky, and crazy. Not only that, but to an enemy, they spit the seeds of berries they previously ate, to shoot at them.One of its possible abiliites is Illuminate, which just means it can gather wild pokemon. It's not good.
For Number 6, we have Caterpie.
Goddamnit!!!!!!! To everyone who is excited to start a nuzlocke, and then says, "Oh great, look what I got, a Caterpie," sarcastically... Screw you. You don't get to say that to this 'mon. This 'mon is literal fury. If you train this in the right way, its tackles will become destructive and its string shots will become cruel. It is hatred incarnate, Kirai. It used to be that if you got this Pokemon as a starter, people would throw you a pity party. Just deal with it, and grow this monster. Stop pitying yourself and use what you have as an absolute wrecking ball. Absolutely serious. I would not be if I had not already done this myself. Put faith in the heart of the Caterpie.Number 5, Klink.
It's time for a real pitiable Pokemon. When you look at Klink, you see a 'mon that seemingly has two gear Pokemon stuck together with one eye each disabled. Then if they evolve, they become Klang, and one of them just disappears and becomes a larger gear. And then, they get even less creative, because they evolve into Klinklang, which is just a combination of the two, and yet the small gear doesn't grow at all and the larger one grows again. Poor freaking Klink that won't ever have a cool future.
Number 4 is Goomy.
 |
| What a gOoFy gOoBeR. |
Number 3 is Magikarp.
WOW MAGIKARP IS NOT NUMBER 1?!!!!!!
Please just be quiet. Sit back down at your desk or on your bed, and stop.
Look, Magikarp is shat on literally every second of every minute of every hour of every day and night, and every week, and every month, and every year, and every decade, and... wait we haven't gone that far yet.
Magikarp has it bad, but there are other Pokemon that have it worse. I mean, it's not like Magikarp never evolves. In fact, Magikarp's evolution, Gyarados, has a Mega Evolution. It's super cool.
Feebas is Number 2.
It is here for the reason that it is canonically beat up, ignored, judged, and discriminated against. In the Pokemon Adventures Manga (which may I say is more canon than the Pokemon anime), Feebas gets beat up by either Maxie or Archie, after trying to protect Ruby, who actually did not give a flying f*ck about Feebas.That is until Ruby learned that by actually caring about Feebas, it would evolve into what he desired most, a Milotic.
Feebas teaches us that what we pity most is actually much stronger than anyone could ever imagine and holds true beauty within its heart. Personally though, shiny Gyarados is cooler than shiny Milotic.
Hahahahahahahaha. It's been a good list. And now for the most pitiable of them all: Cubone
If you don't understand why, you really don't know... (I need to really stop this. Come on Griffin. The point is that not all of your audience will know everything about Pokemon). Anyway, the reason why Cubone is first on this list is because it wears the skull of the mother it will never see again on its head. ON ITS FREAKIN' HEAD. Not only that, if it sees something similar to its mother on the moon, it will cry. There are stains on the skull where it has shed tears. Maybe it is beyond pitiful, maybe it's just depressing, but I think Cubone wins.And in the legendary position of most pitiful shaped Pokemon, we have Dunsparce.
It's not actually that pitiful because a ton of people sleep on its capabilities, and it has been used in the ShadyPenguinn and Mr. Talent Gold and Silver Rivalocke.
So that ends this post. It is really just a joke post. If I get ten comments asking me to justify my claims, I'll compare stats, competitive viability, and historical popularity to provide an accurate pitiful Pokemon list. But, I would really like to leave it at this.
Next post will be about Pokemon Showdown, and maybe after that I will do a serious Top Ten Influential Pokemon list.
"Yo! You finally got here! Now we'll decide things once and for all!"
-Silver, Pokemon Stadium 2
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